Some red flags indicate undeniable truths. Women everywhere respond to these universal red flags when they are in the presence of a dangerous man. We want you to memorize these warning signs and pay attention. Utilize these signs as opportunities to re-examine the relationship or exit if necessary!
You feel uncomfortable about something he has said or done and the feeling does not go away.
You feel mad or scared, or he reminds you of someone else you know with a serious problem.
You wish he would just go away, you want to cry or you want to run.
You dread his phone call.
You are often bored with him.
You think no one else in his life understands him.
You think no one else in his life has ever really loved him or helped him like you.
You think you are the only one who can help/love/understand him.
You want to love him into emotional wellness.
You think you can help him change or fix his life.
You let him borrow money from you or your friends.
You feel bad about yourself when you are around him.
You feel he wants too much from you.
You are emotionally tired of dealing with him and you “feel he sucks the life out of you”.
Your value systems and his are very different; you frequently are not on the same page about your beliefs and it is problematic.
Your past and his are very different and the two of you have conflicts over it.
You tell friends you are “unsure about the relationship”.
You feel isolated from other relationships with friends and family.
You think he’s too charming or a little “too good to be true”.
You feel in the wrong because he is always right and goes to great lengths to show you he is right.
You notice he quickly discloses information about his past or his emotional pain.
You sense he is pushing too quickly for emotional connection.
Although you don’t believe it, he claims to feel an immediate connection with you (a sign of false intimacy).
You see him pushing too quickly to get sexually involved with you and you find yourself willing to abandon your sexual boundaries with him.
You see him as a chameleon; you notice he can change to please whoever is in his presence.
You notice how soon he tells you about his earlier failed relationships and about his previous partners and their flaws.
You notice he mostly talks about himself, his plans and his future.
You notice he spends a lot of time watching violent movies on TV or playing violent video games; he can be preoccupied with violence, death and destruction.
You have heard him confess to a current or previous drug addiction.
You heard about major relationship problems he’s hand and he handles them poorly.
He confesses he has been violent in the past or used drugs or alcohol when stressed.
You know he has multiple children by multiple partners, is inconsistent in paying child support, and rarely see his children; you find yourself blaming the mother and his children for these behaviors.
You find yourself accepting him “for now,” even though you have plenty of red flags that would help you terminate the relationship if you paid attention to them.
You make excuses about why you are dating him.
You make excuses for his character and minimize his behavior.
Sandra L. Brown
Copyright 2009-2012 Ina Mae Greene Foundation "For My Sisters" All rights reserved. A 501c3 Foundation.
Ina Mae Greene Foundation "For My Sisters"
4116 S. Carrier PKY #280
Grand Prairie, TX 75052
The information contained on this website is for information and educational purposes only and do not constitute legal or medical advice. We are not doctors, lawyers or law enforcement. Please do not use the information you read here as a replacement for either. Do not rely solely on what you read here to determine how you will leave your abuser. Contact a shelter, police, or victims’ service organization for help with safety planning and more information on how to leave an abusive relationship.