There are many signs of abuse; some are more subtle than others.
Often we don’t see them because we don’t want to see them. After the relationship has ended, we look back and say, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT!
I am not saying that you could not meet Mr. Right, all things click and it is heaven for the next 25 years. HOWEVER, more often than not, that is NOT the case;
1. Heavy drinking or drug abuse (especially if he uses substances as an excuse for what he does, "The alcohol made me do it.")
2. Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse that will become more frequent and severe. Don't marry him with the belief that "I can change him." You won't.
3. Morbid jealousy. This may be a bit flattering at first, but will be a curse later on. You will never convince him that you are innocent of his accusations.
4. Past child abuse and/or witness of marital violence. This happens in some cases. Children learn what they live. Boys tend to copy their fathers. Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a "violence carrier".
5. Inability to handle frustration. If he blows up and explodes at small things and reacts with a tantrum over minor things, he may act out frustration with violence in a marriage. How he deals with anger is the key.
6. A violent temper. This speaks for itself. If you feel fear when he acts out his anger, that fear is a warning signal. Listen to it!
7. Cruelty to animals, abuse and mistreatment of pets, great enjoyment of hunting for the sake of killing animals could help you to face this question: What makes you know he will treat you any differently?
8. Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self. A person is what she/he lives. If he ever "playfully" points a gun at you or ever gestures at you with another weapon, what could happen if he became very angry with you?
9. Mental illness. A person with an unsound mind or without any sense of moral responsibility or guilt may not be in control of his actions. Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?
10. A poor self-image. Insecurity about his own masculinity. If he feels compulsive about always being "one up" and dominating and he lives out a macho role at all times, you will be subject to his control and possibly treated like one of his possessions. He may feel he has the right to treat you like his property; to do as he pleases.
11. A pattern of blaming others, particularly his wife, for his problems. If he never accepts his faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, be ready to be blamed for everything.
12. Acceptance of violence as an appropriate problem-solving method. Do you want a man who talks out or acts out his anger?
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The information contained on this website is for information and educational purposes only and do not constitute legal or medical advice. We are not doctors, lawyers or law enforcement. Please do not use the information you read here as a replacement for either. Do not rely solely on what you read here to determine how you will leave your abuser. Contact a shelter, police, or victims’ service organization for help with safety planning and more information on how to leave an abusive relationship.